The second I got this hat, my life changed. Before it even arrived, I felt a noticeable difference. People respected me more. Women wanted me, men wanted to be me. When I put it on, it was like an out of body experience. I ascended from this world. I met god and he said "nice hat, much better than the pope's. You're the pope now." I returned to earth as the new pope. I sold all the artifacts and jewels in the Vatican for a massive profit, and now I am the world's first trillionaire. As I am sitting here, gazing upon my vast estate from my mansion made out of pure gold I only have one thought: I really like my hat.